


Ugh

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: British Comedy, British English, British Slang, Catholic Character, Catholicism, Chaos, Comedy, Day Off, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Light-Hearted, M/M, Priests, Shopping, Title from a The 1975 Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: On a day off, Soonyoung decides to go for a walk with Wonwoo, and, in the process, they stumble across the sight of twelve Catholic priests in a lingerie shop.What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Kudos: 5





	Ugh

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, ladies and gents! Yes! British humor is back in solo force and is as filthy and as targeted as having a go at Toffs and Christians as ever XD jump right in <3

"...So it is this zeitgeist for this extreme and volatile but nonetheless realistic word o youth sub-culture with the further sub-cultures surrounding the attachment and enlightement - in their thoughts - of drug taking and other substance abuse and significant psychological impact - both growth and damage - with which they involve themselves in these situations, by their own choice, but, nine out of ten times, and ignorant choice..."

For the last ten minutes Wonwoo had been talking intently about a certain subject that Minghao, Mingyu, and Soonyoung didn't understand, and, then, he continued on for another ten minutes. All the while, Joshua watched him with an open mouth while Vernon filmed on his phone, unnoticed by Wonwoo.

It was clear that Joshua and Vernon had no idea what was happening, but, they considered it significant to some degree or another. 

"...And then in the entire significance, it all comes down to the basic scale of pure and humanistic naturalism." Wonwoo finished.

They all looked in silence at him.

"No idea what you said mate but it sounds fucking amazing!" Vernon gave Wonwoo the thumbs up around his phone. 

Wonwoo looked a bit disconcerted. "Uh...ok?"

He got up and left the room.

"Did we....?" Soonyoung hovered uncertainly.

"Seungcheol-hyung?" They heard Wonwoo's voice call. "You in - no, you're over there."

They all listened in silence. Wonwoo came back into the sitting room a few moments later. Seungcheol came behind him with a large smile on his face.

"Thanks for doing that!" Seungcheol was holding his laptop. 

They all relaxed.

Wonwoo left again.

"Where you going?!" Soonyoung shouted after him.

"Going for a walk." Came back the voice from down the hall. 

"I'll come!" Soonyoung scrambled up off the settee.

"What have we been doing for the last half an hour?" Joshua asked Vernon, running a hand through his air.

"Fuck all." Vernon shrugged.

Soonyoung caught up with Wonwoo as he walked down the street and waited at traffic lights from their apartment block. Soonyoung bumped his shoulder.

"You ought to be on a leash." Wonwoo remarked.

Soonyoung chuckled. "I'm not that bad."

"Jihoon's been giving you song-writing tutoring as behavioural therapy." Wonwoo deadpanned.

As Soonyoung looked to the ground, Wonwoo laughed.

"Sorry." Wonwoo seized a little bit of Soonyoung's over-long t-shirt sleeve between his fingers for a few moments.

"There's worse than me." Soonyoung snootily remarked. 

"Don't sulk." Wonwoo asked of him.

Soonyoung stuck his nose up in the air, turned away from Wonwoo, and folded his arms.

"Oh, come on." Wonwoo flicked the side of his head. "Let's do something reasonable today."

-

"Oh, that was fucking intelligent." Wonwoo told Soonyoung as they came back into their apartment.

Soonyoung and Wonwoo cackled.

The other's looked at them as they came into the sitting room.

"What did you do?" Jihoon scowled accusingly at Soonyoung specifically.

"We got a Priest arrested for shoplifting." Wonwoo explained before falling into Soonyoung's side on the couch. 

"You what?!" Joshua shrieked, his voice sounding like a girls.

"Oh, shh." Soonyoung waved a hand at him.

"Ugh." Joshua emitted a strange sound.

The boys explained.

They had walked past a lingerie shop - "That new one down on Ebden street, nothing under £300, got into trouble because they had male mannequins up in ladies things because they still wanted to advertise but didn't have the right ones and everyone thought they were promoting something to do with the lGBT lot." Soonyoung explained - and had seen not one, not two, but twelve priests skulking around inside.

"No, no way." Joshua refused to believe it while everyone else nearly pissed themselves laughing.

"What happened?!" Seokmin exclaimed.

"Two priests -" Wonwoo began - "Filthy sods." He and Soonyoung said together quickly - "Had gone in there to perve on all the ladies doing their shopping and fondle some lace, and, the other priests had gone in to fetch them out before there was a national scandle, but, apparently, became "lost"."

"So what the fuck did you two do?" Seungcheol's face was a ashy palour. "Please tell me no one saw your fucking faces?"

"One of the dirty cunts went racing for the exit and when the police turned up, he shouted at me to catch the bastard." Wonwoo explained simply.

Junhui collapsed onto the floor with Mingyu before they held onto each other, trying to breathe.

Jeonghan was trying to laugh but he couldn't help himself. Joshua's eyes flew wide.

He was now well and truly pissed off.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves." He snapped at Soonyoung and Wonwoo.

"Not my fault the Catholic clergy are all trannies." Wonwoo answered.

Joshua just about blew his top.

Later that night, Mingyu, Minghao, Junhui and Chan snuck into Wonwoo's room. 

"You got photos, didn't you?" Minghao said.

Wonwoo slowly smiled, his teeth showing from his lips, the covers tucked up beneath his chin.

"Oh, you bastard." Junhui giggled.

"Come on, show us." Chan insisted. 

"Phones in there." Wonwoo gestured to his bedside table and it's top draw; Mingyu did the honours, and, then, began to fiddle with Wonwoo's phone. 

"What are you doing?" Wonwoo inquired.

"Trying to get your password." Mingyu muttered.

"And what are you trying?" Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

"Our...names?" Mingyu quipped hesitantly, his thumbs tapping away on the screen. 

"Not going to work, dickhead." Minghao cackled. 

"SHUT UP!" Jihoon smacked a fist on the wall in the next room.

"Sorry!" Chan called out to him.

The boys practically heard Jihoon's grumbling as he turned over and went back to sleep. 

"It's a song title." Wonwoo endorsed Mingyu.

"Oh, God, how many have we had now?" Minghao scoffed.

Junhui giggled. "Give us a hint?" He asked Wonwoo.

"It's a British song." Wonwoo answered.

"Oh, fuck!" Mingyu said under his breath, shunting Wonwoo's phone under Wonwoo's nose. 

They knew they'd never get it, then. 

Wonwoo logged onto his phone and brought up images.

Poor Jihoon got his sleep even more disturbed.

There was a small five-second video on Wonwoo's phone that showed a late-thirties aged Priest with a square face and thick dark hair playing with a bra before the strap flew out and hit him directly in the eye, making him fall to the ground, holding the right side of his face and screaming, "FECKIN', FECKIN', FECKIN' CUNT!"

"He was the one that set it all off." Wonwoo told them conversationally as Junhui, Minghao, Chan and Mingyu nearly pissed themselves laughing. 

A second Priest - mid twenties and prematurely bald - was shown in another image to be screaming in fright, clutching his face, while another Priest, quite handsome with greying black hair, tried to rugby tackle him to shut him up. 

"We're so going to have to show Joshua the video of the old perve getting hit in the eye." Chan wheezed. "He can't not laugh."

"There's another." Wonwoo said. He found a second video.

The boys practically screamed with laughter.

A very skinny ugly priest showed off to a very fat ugly priest, wearing a pink lace bra and rubbing his nipples through it.

"Oh, that's fucking disgusting!" Mingyu yelled, but still nearly wet himself with hysterical laughter.

"My God..." Minghao grinned broadly, his eyes scrunched up before he leaned into Mingyu's chest, wiping his eyes on the tall man's shoulder, giggling breathlessly. 

"It's been a very nice day." Wonwoo commented dreamily.

"Fuck, that's right." Junhui promptly planted a kiss on Wonwoo's head. "And imagine if you and Hoshi hadn't gone out? Just imagine. We have witnessed history!"


End file.
